Scott Ginsberg is a talented speaker and colleague in the National Speakers Association. I needed to ping him this morning so went to his website and clicked “contact us.”

I often hate the convoluted methodology used to capture information that turns a simple email into a royal pain. I don’t want to have to fill out a long from that goes to “info@” and wonder if my communication was ever received.

Scott does it right. He has one of the best, most straightforward contact pages I’ve ever seen. He makes it simple and gives you nine contact options, all direct to him. Check it out here.

Scott talks about how to network and connect, and he practices well what he teaches.

Do you consider yourself a good negotiator? Do you think you could negotiate better?

Professional negotiation skills are extremely useful in both your personal and professional life.  In this guest blog, you’ll learn ideas, strategies and techniques that you can use to learn to negotiate, or negotiate better.

Don Hutson is one of my closest friends in the speaking business. He is also an award winning speaker and bestselling author of The One Minute Entrepreneur coauthored with Ken Blanchard. He and co-author George Lucas have written a very practical and useful book on negotiation that you can benefit from reading.

The book launches today, and if you purchase through Amazon or Barnes & Noble and forward the receipt to offer@theOneMinuteNegotiator.com, you’ll get 52 video tips and four teleseminars as a bonus.

In your book, you introduce what you call the disease of “negotiaphobia.”  It sounds like a fear of negotiating.  Is it really true that most people have it to one degree or another?

Negotiaphobia is eating people alive and most people do not even recognize that they have it.  We contend negotiaphobics have left enough money on the table to pay off the U. S. national debt!

The fear comes from several factors including a lack of skill, discomfort with uncertainty, and a lack of experience.  In working with professional buyers and salespeople we often see less than one-third of them have ever invested any time or money in building their negotiation skills.  This is frankly astounding.

How does negotiaphobia impact our daily lives both professionally and personally?

It is a major driver of Tums and Rolaids purchases.

We end up living with sub-optimal outcomes and regretting every minute of it. 

We often feel under-paid and unappreciated at work

We miss out on commissions, bonuses and promotions to those who do have developed better negotiation skills.

We pay more than we should or could for many of the items we buy.

We have long run disagreements and resentment toward others as we struggle with unresolved life problems.

In your book, you introduce a three-step treatment process for negotiaphobia that you say is E-A-S-Y.  That is an acronym that should help people remember how to treat their negotiaphobia. Let’s start with the “E” in EASY.  You say that means Engage.  What is involved in this first step in the treatment process?

The Engage steps involve recognizing that you are in a negotiation, or at least there is the potential to have one.

Part two of this step is when you review the various options in terms of the strategies you might utilize in any negotiation situation.

Part of the engagement step is to reflect on the four legitimate negotiation strategies?  What are they, and tell us a little about each one?

Avoidance is a reactive/low cooperation strategy.  Its intent is to protect the status quo, or change it without a conversation.  The ostriches get taken advantage of by others without them noticing; pickpockets take advantage of others, for example, by taking the early payment discount on an invoice even though they are paying late.

Accommodation is a reactive/high cooperation strategy.  It is a win/lose strategy where the person using it loses and the person they are negotiating with wins.  It should only be used when the other party has most of the power.  In essence you are bleeding from the wrist and you want to control the bleeding with a tourniquet which is the knowledge you are accommodating.  The big mistake people make is trying to build relationships by accommodating.  In reality you can only test relationships when you accommodate.

Competition is a proactive/low cooperation strategy.  Like accommodation, it is win/lose, but when you are competing you want to win while the other side loses.  The fact that you are competing is an indication that there is no real relationship present.  Think of it as if there are 100 pennies in the middle of the table and your goal is for the other side to end up with less than 50 and you to get as many more than 50 as you possibly can.  This strategy comes down to a set of tactics (your competitive tool box), and it is driven by knowledge, skills and nerve.  This strategy has the highest potential of ending in a stalemate – no deal.

Collaboration is a proactive/high cooperation strategy.  Here you are not fixated on the size of your slice; you are trying to grow the size of the pie.  Our research and experience show only about 1 in 5 negotiations can end up being fully collaborative, but those generally end up being the most productive.  Instead of pennies you may be able to turn the pile of money into dollars.  It requires the most preparation and the most in-depth discovery skills.  Unlike competition where positions come out early (I need 10% more money) and you beat on each other for days, with collaboration, positions get on the table much later and relatively little “beating” is required. 

The “A” in EASY stands for ASSESS.  How can one assess their own negotiation strategy tendencies?

In Chapter 5 of the OMN we provide a 20 question self-assessment scale that allows people to quickly and easily measure their propensity to use each of the four strategies.  We have also developed a more in-depth computerized 40 question assessment people can do on themselves and ask others who know them to complete.  It will provide much more comprehensive feedback (available in the fourth quarter of 2010).  People can check our blog at www.theoneminutenegotiator.com at that time.

The “S” stands for STRATEGIZE.  What factors come into play in selecting the right strategy for each negotiation situation? 

It really comes down to what the potential for a relationship is and how significant you think the potential is.  The higher the potential for a relationship and the greater the potential it seems to have the more compelling the case for attempting to collaborate.

If you have more power or influence you will be better able to steer the negotiation to either competition or collaboration.  Power comes from information.  People tend to underestimate their own power and overestimate the power of others.  That is because they see their own flaws and only see what the other side decides to show them.

The “Y” in easy is “YOUR one minute drill.”  What should followers of that approach do in that one minute?  Can people get faster at the EASY treatment the more they use it?

Rapidly think thru the E the A and the S.  You see that this situation has the potential to be a negotiation, then go through the four strategies in your mind.  You reflect on your strategic propensities and those of the other side.  Based on power and potential you come up with your plan A and your plan B and which of the four styles you will use 

The more people use the drill the faster and better they will become.

What are some of the biggest tactical mistakes people make when they negotiate that can be easily rectified?

This could get to be a very long list, but we will touch on some of the main ones.                         

One of the worst is that they talk too much.  They also tend to put their position on the table too early, and they restate the positions of others; only reinforcing them.

They also state their own position as a range.  “I need a 5% to 10% increase.”  This makes the person come across as uncertain as to what they need and what they feel confident asking for.

They tend to put off competitive negotiations until they run into excessive time pressure.

They don’t prepare their questions in advance, so they end up asking close-ended questions that provide inadequate information for collaboration.

They go into a negotiation alone when they should go with a team and go with a team when they should go alone.

They accommodate in an effort to build a relationship.

From your experience, what is the single most powerful tactic people can use as they negotiate?

They will get uncomfortable and share information with you that they did not plan to share.  After proposing a solution, leave silence until they respond.  If you talk you will likely only accommodate.

Where can people go to get access to more of your thoughts and ideas about treating their negotiaphobia and improving their results?

Visit The One Minute Negotiator website.

Recall the phrase “out of sight, out of mind?” What do people remember about you after an interaction?

Your goal should always be to remain in people’s minds—to leave them always wanting more of whatever job you do, or whatever product or service you provide. What makes you better than those who also do what you do? What makes your performance memorable and remarkable?

Consider: can you give 2-3 substantive reasons why someone should hire you, or follow you, or give you a promotion? If you can’t, you probably don’t pass the test for memorable or remarkable.

Let’s say your boss is having lunch with a colleague today and your name comes up—what does he or she say about you? Adjectives like “nice,” “capable” and “pleasant” are certainly positive, but you should aim for more. Consistently great performance conjures up words like “fantastic,” “exceptional” and “extraordinary.”

If you decide to take another job one day, it would be reaffirming to hear your boss say, “What can we do to keep you here?” and not, “Bon Voyage!” To develop this kind of reputation—remember it doesn’t happen automatically—aim to always do a good job but know when a remarkable performance is called for.

If you want to gain a really remarkable reputation, stay on your toes. Like a professional athlete or a famous rock star, you are only as good as your last game or your last hit. Your fans (or, in most everyday cases, your coworkers or clients) won’t love you unconditionally: they will continue to judge you based on your work and the results and benefits they enjoy from it.

It can be difficult to have an objective view of your own performance. It is easy to assume that you are doing a good or even great job and be content with that illusion. To avoid a rude awakening at a performance review, you need to maintain a clear view on how strong—or weak—your performance actually is.

The best way to do this is to actively seek ongoing feedback. Listen impartially, without defending yourself, and your ‘audience’ (boss, coworker, etc.) will offer insights you can use to improve. If you really want to know, ask this simple question, “What could I do to make my performance remarkable?” Even if this feedback isn’t the pat on the back you’d hoped for; it will be something valuable – clear direction on how you can become a better performer.

The goal in whatever important work you do isn’t to be good; the goal is to be memorable.

My long time friend Tommy Spaulding is one of the best networked people I know. He’s written a new book that today hit #2 on the Wall Street Journal and #1 on USA Today money and business bestseller lists. In It’s Not Just Who You Know he explains the power of relationship building and offers his insights from his many business undertakings and experiences. Here is an excerpt I think you’ll enjoy:

I know thousands of people, and many of them wield tremendous influence. If life and business were all about “who you know,” then I’d be set. But none of those relationships took on extraordinary value unless I approached them with the idea that they mattered for something above and beyond the transaction.

I think of relationships in terms of a five-floor building. The deeper and more meaningful a relationship, the higher the floor it resides on. Let me be clear—relationships seldom fit neatly into a box (or a building). They’re far too dynamic. Some overlap on different floors, and others seem to move up and down floors like an elevator. But the Five Floor plan helps give me a reference point and allows me to think about the boundaries that define my relationships, so that I can continually work to make them stronger and more rewarding.

Most relationships start on the First Floor. We meet and we greet. We exchange business cards. It typically involves a transactional exchange. We need something specific from the other person—an airline ticket, or lunch, or help with a question. After we get what we want, we move on.

In Third Floor relationships, people develop an emotional comfort level that goes beyond facts and information. Instead of resting on NSW—news, sports, and weather—conversations, we begin sharing opinions and feelings. In business, positional authority is the primary guiding force in Third Floor relationships. Our position at work requires us to say what we think, rather than just present data, because our opinions can help shape decisions.

Fifth Floor relationships—the Penthouse of relationships—go well beyond anything discussed in Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends & Influence People. In Fifth Floor relationships, vulnerability, authenticity, trust, and loyalty are off the charts. They are relationships based on a shared empathy—an intuitive understanding of each other’s needs, even those that aren’t necessarily expressed. It’s a relationship based more on giving than on getting. In Fifth Floor relationships, we become confidants, advisers, and partners in helping the other person achieve their greatest potential.

But how do you do it, you might ask. How do you grow a relationship from the First Floor to the Second Floor? Or the Third Floor? Or the Fifth Floor? For many people, of course, therein lies the big, brick wall with no obvious doors or windows. The answer? Relentless communication.

But what can you do to distinguish yourself from the crowd? How can you practice relentless communication? What can you do when starting new relationships? What can you do to keep your existing relationships healthy? What are you doing for your co-workers? Your clients? Your customers?

Relentless communication is an intentional practice. It’s playing offense, not just sitting back and playing defense. It’s not something that just happens—you have to make it happen.

If you want to relentlessly communicate, there’s nothing wrong with cell phones and e-mails. I send and receive more than a hundred text messages and e-mails every day. I’m the poster boy for “Crackberry” addiction. But sometimes it’s the personal touches that set you apart from others and create the greatest opportunities for lasting relationships.

Handwritten notes, of course, are just one form of relentless communication. I have a friend in Minnesota who puts American flags in the yards of his clients every year on the Fourth of July. Another friend gives pumpkins to each of his clients on Halloween. They call and stop by as well, but these things in particular set them apart. They give people in the community a reason to think of them and smile.

I think of communication in terms of its impact. There is a hierarchy. A text is nice, but an e-mail is better. And a phone call is better still. Sometimes, however, a handwritten note is even better. A gift with a handwritten note is special. But hand-delivering a note along with a gift is the best. All of these things—all of this relentless communication—shows that you care, that you want to continue to build and grow the relationship. In most cases it leads to the thing you want next—face-to-face time with the person you want or need to know.

If you want to create and nurture relationships in your life, make an investment in relentless communication. You don’t have to send twenty handwritten notes a week, but why not send five? Or find other ways to uniquely express your thanks to the people you know—a flag on the Fourth of July. Make this a part of your life, something that you can make part of your relational DNA. When you do it, people will think of you and smile. And they’ll want to know you better. And that’s the heart of any relationship.

Adapted from It’s Not Just Who You Know by Tommy Spaulding © 2010 Thomas J. Spaulding Jr. Reprinted by permission of Broadway Books, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group.

My insurance broker failed me miserably and nearly cost me a great deal of money on a real estate deal. Specifically, an account rep of that broker left me hanging on a deadline.

I chatted with the managing partner about the dilemma (to his credit he had responded personally to an email) and he had the account manager’s supervisor call to apologize and make amends.

I quickly informed her that I had gone to a competitor who had dealt with the problem immediately and that I would not need the agency’s services and most likely would be changing brokers and canceling my existing policies.

I explained to her I couldn’t wrap my mind around someone ignoring a desperate client and going  home at the end of the day without at least a phone call of explanation.

Now I realize she’s trying to make lemonade out of lemons at this point, but her response was, “Sometimes we all need a good reminder of how important customer service is.” I fought the urge to suggest a swift kick in the butt might be more appropriate in this case.

I’ve not disclosed the name of the insurance broker because I’m not trying to be punitive. The good reminder the aforementioned exchange provided me is this: good, competent service trumps good reminders, genuine apologizes, weak excuses and everything else.

At the end of the day it is about going home knowing you’ve done what needed to be done to help your customer or client.

Culture warrior.

Or would you rather be a culture ambassador?

The former sounds confrontational and the latter relational.

One suggests an attack and the other an improvement. Is culture something we capture or create? 

One familiar conservative news network refers to culture warriors. Dick Staub talks about influencing culture by being an ambassador.

Think of the connotations. Combative versus peaceful. Force versus influence. Bridge burning versus bridge building.

Certainly there are times when one needs to assertively take a stand. I’m grateful for the true warriors–the men and women of the armed forces who serve and protect–but I’m focusing on metaphors in this instance.

Think about the metaphors you choose and use. They form perception, convey nuance and affect image. They can help and they can hurt.

We shape our metaphors and then they return the favor and shape us.

Ford Saeks at Prime Concepts and I were discussing all the noise on the internet: the cacophony of emails, social media, blogs, spam, YouTube, et al. The internet has made marketing easier to do and harder to do effectively. What can be done easily isn’t always done well. Legitimate and important ideas can easily get lost in the din or faux information.

Which leads me to suggest that quiet may well be the antidote to all the noise. I don’t mean silence–that’s different. That’s the strategy of the cynic who gives up hope that his or her marketing will do any good.

By quiet, I mean softly spoken. When you try to talk to a large crowd, you have to shout. When you have a conversation with one or two people, you don’t have to yell. Quiet marketing means being specific rather than general; it is “me-marketing” rather than mass marketing.

Quiet also suggests wisdom. Some of the smartest people I know are also the lowest key. You listen carefully to what they have to say because they always seem to have good ideas.

Really good ideas don’t need to be hyped. The great ideas stand out on their own merit. Rather than trying to convince me that your product or service is good by shouting about it, show me through compelling communication and persuasive proof.

Don’t give up trying to be heard. Instead, re-evaluate how you go about doing it. I can’t make an iron-clad guarantee here, but quiet may well be your best marketing weapon in a noisy world.

I don’t watch much TV. I have a few guilty pleasures, but mostly I view CNN when I’m working out in the morning.

Today I saw a world leader talk about all that had happened under his charge and then indirectly take credit for dealing with it all successfully. It was quite a list. He didn’t offer specifics or any tangible results.

That’s bad TV. And that’s bad leadership.

Good leaders talk about what happened, what they and their team did, and the results achieved (the more specific the better). They take responsibility for the good and the bad and they share credit for success. They realize that most people are skeptical of any leader who claims victory without proof.

I saw two commercials. One was for a bank and featured lots of green bicycles. It talked about relationships and being rewarded. So I’m wondering: if I do my banking there will I get a green bike? The commercial doesn’t explain, it hints.

That’s bad advertising. And bad leadership.

Leaders don’t have to be clairvoyant or even charismatic but they must always be clear. Good leaders don’t leave people wondering what they meant.

Another commercial was so bad it might be considered good. It was a pain relief ointment that shows the world’s worst actor pretending to “hurt.” “Ouch!” he screams as he doubles over in pain. The commercial is painful, but it gets your attention.

Bad TV. And risky for leader.

While corny may make you memorable, it won’t make you credible. Unless you’re selling ointment, choose believable over bombastic. Credibility takes months and years to build but only seconds to destroy.

And that’s what we can learn about leadership from bad TV.

While reading Charlene Li’s book, Open Leadership: How Social Technology Can Transform the Way You Lead, I was struck by the simplicity of an idea. She includes “the openness audit” and one assessment statement is “Employees and executives are free to blog and participate publicly in social media as long as they act responsibly.” Note the last two words: act responsibly.

That may be the best two word policy statement I can think of. You might be aware of Nordstrom’s famous policy statement, known for its simplicity, “use your best judgment at all times.” “Act responsibly” is shorter but just as instructive.

The C-level executives I advise often ask for suggestions about policy around social media. I believe Charlene Li has captured it with the idea of acting responsibly.

Of course that raises the question: how do employees learn to act responsibly? In a perfect world everyone would enter the workforce with that ability. In the real world “acting responsbibly” needs to be taught and modeled. Leaders need to create a culture where employees are clear on their responsibilities to each other, customers and shareholders. Values need to be lived, not just espoused. And critically important, those who lead must exemplify acting responsibly each day.

 Marty Grunder is one of those people who is extraordinarily successful at more than one thing. He is President & CEO of Grunder Landscaping Co. in Dayton, Ohio which he started in 1984 with a $25.00 mower bought at a garage sale as a way to make money for college. In 1990 as a senior at the University of Dayton, Marty’s company grossed over $300,000.00 and his story appeared in The New York Times. Today Grunder Landscaping is an award-winning company that employs 40+ professionals with annual sales over $4.5 million.

In 1995, Marty formed Marty Grunder! Inc., a business consulting company to provide speaking, training and consulting services to entrepreneurs and business leaders. A highly sought after speaker and authority on personal and business success, Marty has spoken all over the U. S. and Canada. Marty’s book The Nine Super Simple Steps to Entrepreneurial Success was named the Business Book of the year at the 2003 Independent Publisher Book Awards.

Marty is a committed family man, actively involved in his community and making a positive difference in the world. He has become a close friend and valued colleague so I am sharing some of his insights with you.

You’re a successful entrepreneur and speaker. What things have you learned about communication that works in the workplace and from the stage?

Communication, or rather good communication, is something I have worked on my entire career. I learned early on, when I started my business at the age of 16, that the ability to get your point across clearly and the ability to get people to do what you want and need them to do and still have them love/like you would be paramount to my success.

I think the most important part of communication is to understand who you are communicating with. If I am speaking to some of the team leaders at my landscaping company, I have a different way I communicate than if I’m speaking to a group of leaders from a large corporation. For example, if I’m trying to get a point across about the importance of customer service to my team, I might tell them a story about the great service I received from a pizza delivery man. The leaders at a company, I might tell them a story about the profitability of companies that focus on customer service.  You always have to pay attention to what resonates with the group you are speaking to. Another thing I try to do is use as few words as possible. I’m not a fan of using big words or trying to impress the listener with my broad knowledge of the English language. I’m not saying it’s bad to do that, but understand I’m a landscaper by trade. I have a degree in business, but I really am a regular guy. Being able to adapt to the environment is an important part to successful communication.  I don’t fake it, I am sincere, but I do use different styles depending on who I am talking to.

You speak to and consult with entrepreneurs in the green industry. What do the most successful of those entrepreneurs do to grow their businesses? 

The most successful entrepreneurs listen to the client. They are the boss. The most successful entrepreneurs are constantly talking to their clients via surveys, personal follow up (the best way) , focus groups, and the like. They are completely committed to client satisfaction in all they do. It’s actually amazing the number of business owners I see that don’t get this. This basic building block really can make an enormous difference in the success of your business. I think there is a tendency to think that many clients are “out to get you.” I used to think that myself as a young entrepreneur. Then one day I just decided to operate my business as if most people are reasonable, honest people, and I have found, without a doubt, that is the case. If we have a problem with a client, we ask them what they would like for us to do.  Your customer is the compass for your business; they will tell you what you need to do.  I teach my ‘students’ to ask their clients three questions.  They are, ‘what should we keep doing?’  ‘What should we keep doing?’  And ‘what should we stop doing?’  It is amazing how much you can learn from this exercise.

Are there differences in how you grow a traditional and mature business and how you grow a start up?

I suppose there are some differences.  When you are a part of a start up, you have no reputation to leverage and you have to work really hard at getting your name out there.  Mature businesses tend to get a certain amount of business from their past clients and referrals and their history of work.  However, other than that, I would argue that business really is business.  I think entrepreneurs at times, make finding success way too hard.  For example, in this tough environment, there is a tendency to invest in new areas of business.  The dentist gets into other cosmetic offerings, the landscaper starts remodeling, the accountant starts human resource work and so on.  In many cases, it would have been better for the business owner to work harder in the areas they have expertise in and tried to dig a deeper well.  Before you go venturing off in other areas, make sure you have let your current customer base know what you offer.  Take them to lunch, go see them, spend some time.  Relationships are what sell, especially in this environment.  I have been able to maintain my landscaping business quite nicely, not by offering more services to more people.  But, by making sure our clients know about all our offerings and spending a lot of ‘face-time’ with them.  A new business and an entrenched one both should be making sure they are talking to the client and asking them for referrals and making sure all their needs that you can effectively serve are being met.

You’ve had former President George W. Bush in your home. How do you see business people playing a role in politics to make a positive difference? 

I think we need to listen to both sides, but I don’t think we have to be quiet. I am afraid that the wants and needs of the small business owners have been and are being overlooked. 70% of all job creation in the last 10 years in the US has come from the small business sector. We are important; we need our voice to be hears. However, just like we talked about good communication a few moments ago, it’s important to go about this the right way too. We have to stay on our message and we have to talk about how the success of a small business can help a community. There’s nothing wrong with speaking up. When I had the President into my home, I did so because it was an honor and a thrill for my family. But also understand, I had an opportunity to talk with him one-on-one for 15 minutes. I made several concerns known to him, one of which he actually had someone take some action on for me. This is what happens when you get involved. When you do nothing, nothing happens. We need to get involved.

In addition to your busy career you have a terrific family. What do you do to balance sometimes conflicting demands of business and family life? 

Balancing family and business is very tough. But I’ve managed to find a happy medium. Having clarity of purpose, good people, and a good plan make it achievable. The key is that you communicate your plan to anyone who can help you with that plan.  Most Americans spend more time, money, and effort planning their vacations than they do their lives and businesses.  We wonder why our loved ones are frustrated with us working late, missing family events, and the like.  A lot of times, the frustration is rooted in the entrepreneur’s lack of communication of the plan to the folks who can help you achieve it.  Tell your team at work what you are trying to do.  Describe what a win looks like as clearly as you can and then do the same at home.  If you’re in a start-up, your family needs to understand that might mean some late nights and the like.  If you’re struggling right now, it might mean working late to make some sales or do the job of two since you’re running ‘lean’.  Whatever the case may be, one thing is for sure, success comes from balancing family and business.  If you find the motivation for working so hard, you can generally put a lot of meaning to your work.  As a mentor of mine often reminds me, ‘success is applause at home’.